It's all changed

I don't usually use my blog for personal things but I don't feel like telling the world on social media the latest news about my breast cancer.

If you are here it means you followed the link from Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and for that I thank you as it shows you care and didn't just click the 'like' button 😘

I know so many people, family and friends are concerned. I've been overwhelmed with the many messages and cards, thank you, so I want to let everyone know what's happening.

I'm not sure how I am just now, physically the chemo side effects have nearly gone, just feel tired and need to rest between jobs. I need to build my strength up and lose some of the fluid that chemo brings .... chubby chops!

Mentally and emotionally I am all a bit mixed up, we are all finding it hard. Nick, Michael and myself have stayed home since they did a shop last Thursday, we have the garden and technology so we can get some fresh air and keep in touch with Philippa and our family.

With the world changing so drastically the doctors have decided to stop my chemotherapy as it's too dangerous to have such low antibodies and when being so ill from the side effects it is a worrying time to catch any virus never mind this one.

As my last chemotherapy treatment was two weeks ago I fall into a window of opportunity to do my lumpectomy operation now (it has to be 4 weeks after the last treatment) so I have my pre-op Friday and my operation 3rd April.

It is a worry to be attending the hospital, I feel safe here locked away from everyone. I have to attend on my own and will see just the Breast Care Team for the pre-op and the Day Care Unit for the actual operation. They are spacing appointments so limiting contact with other patients and will do as many follow up appointments by telephone.

The operation will be day surgery which again limits contact and is deemed less risk than needing to stay in hospital afterwards. All the medical staff are working so hard, not just to do their normal jobs but to constantly be aware of the danger of this virus which brings added work and pre-cautions, but I am worried. Obviously there is still the worry of how intensive the operation itself will be, that has always been a concern since my diagnosis back in December.

It's good the operation is being done, I have struggled since the beginning as to why the cancer was still there even though I had an op. I understand the medical reasons of using chemotherapy to shrink it first but it still feels odd. I am so so pleased not to be having any more chemotherapy as I have never felt so ill in my life and I was panicking a bit about having four more treatments.

With life changing every day this plan may change but for now the medical team, nationally and locally have looked at all cancer patients and reviewed their condition and treatment and for me this is the plan.

Thank you for all your messages, it has been an unknown road with many twists and turns, this feels like a hairpin bend, I just hope it's not too steep!